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Just tacting    
11:00pm 25/10/2010
  It's hard.

Weirdly enough to say that hormones are a disaster.

I haven't fought emotions in several months.
Living in a bubble.
And not even a safe bubble.

More like living in a haze.

Reality is...

tangible. real. uncontrollable.

To press the accelerator and leave all of this behind.
I life I never should have lived.
Experiences I never should have had.

But they are real.
Foggy
Distant
But real.

To disappear beyond the horizon.
To leave it all behind.
Go
and never look back.

How many lives?
How many chapters?
I would love to have a lack of cliffhangers
and red herrings

Just go.
Disappear.
Lose yourself
in the moment
Thank you, past life

I want
to stop

To stop hurting
To stop feeling
To stop being connected to this blasted, damn, forsaken place.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate being female?
That I dislike emotions?
That I dislike this reality I am forced
reconciled
slightly uncomfortable
stuck with
?

The wind gets to travel more than I do now
I want to run
Not out of fear
but just
Just principle

Blow me away
Like a leaf
like a petal
like the fluffy dandelion tops

And what it all comes down to
...
stupidity
ignorance
shame
and love

I love my kids
I love my family
I love my God
but I get frustrated with me
 
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11:34am 28/09/2009
 
mood: heart broken
RIP Master Hastings Zippy the Only

I'll meet you at the Rainbow Bridge my brave little fighter. I love you and miss you already.

 
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03:11pm 02/09/2009
  It is a very strange sensation to have your dog fall asleep on your arm and then start dreaming. Her jowls are twitching and tickles... very odd. And I can only type with one hand. Sigh. I'm a nice mom  
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05:39pm 19/07/2009
  While in Portland we were robbed. Thankfully they only took the entertainment center crap. It's all replaceable. They did rifle through the mail so I have to call and take care of all credit cards. I already took care of the checks which were the most pending since it was obvious they went and maybe took some of those.

They did kick Mocha something fierce. I hope she bit the shit out of them. And used her big girl bark.

I'm past being angry and sad. Now I'm just blah about it. I'm doing my own detective work because, come on, this is Denton PD with a minor robbery.

The sad thing: I'm still sitting in Keller and haven't even been back to Denton yet :sigh: We have a volleyball game tonight and it makes no sense for me to drive all the way up there and then all the way back etc. My priorities may seem out of whack but really? What more can I do? I go up there and survey the damage and then..... what? Cory's apparently already taken care of everything with the police and the landlord.

Thankfully I was given tomorrow off.

But ya. Not really a Sunday-Funday. Doubt I'll even make out to my usual hangout tonight due to anxiety ridden dog who I really haven't gotten to see in the last week. It's hard when I work all week and have stuff going on at night.

I really would like a vodka though. And a little hair metal.

:sigh:

We'll see when I get up there what the damage is.

Stupid fucks.
 
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11:28am 27/05/2009
  How you know Kelly doesn't feel good?

I can't even finish a sandwich :sigh:
 
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Phoenix in Summary   
07:59pm 25/05/2009
  History of getting sick on birthday- check
History of getting sick on vacation- check

Birthday while on "vacation" in Phoenix- CHECK! :grin:

See where this is going?

Strep Throat- check
Sinus Infection- check
Possible Pink Eye- check

Gah I love my body :grin: Aside from feeling like death a few times, it really was a good trip and I got to chair my first talk! Wohoo!
 
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Shaked and Baked...   
10:47pm 07/02/2009
 
mood: amused
to death...

Tumble Die
Fur Burger
Fang Banged
Lesbocution


Thank you 1000 Ways to Die on Spike TV
 
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And the pressure continues!   
04:57pm 16/12/2008
  I got all A's! Which means I maintain my 4.0!!

:headdesk:

Freakin' pressure
 
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New toy   
12:02pm 15/12/2008
  So I FINALLY got a new computer! :happy dance: Dad and I went shopping on Saturday and I picked up a very sleek Toshiba. Super light. Very shiny. I'll find a picture of it in a bit. At the moment though I'm rockin' the techie-geek look. Have to transfer 5yrs worth of stuff from Herbert to the yet-unnamed new comp. YEAH! :headdesk:

Hurray new toys!
 
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Celebrate the end of the semester... with a meme!   
02:05pm 11/12/2008
  Stolen from bluestarliz

A is Age: 24
B is Beer of Choice: Allergic :sad face: But when I decide to take my chances- anything by St. Arnolds
C is career: oorr jobs? Teaching Fellow and Autism Therapist (ABA Paraprofessional)
D is dog's name: at the parents' house- Hastings and Duncan, my Bichon boys. Martha and I have our terror named Mocha (gotta love mutts)
E is essential item you use every day: sadly, my blow dryer
F is favorite TV show: No Reservations, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman
G is favorite game: Mah Jong. The real one. And Texas Hold'em
H is hometown: hahahahha! You're kidding right?
I is instrument you play: I can plink on a piano pretty good
J is for favorite juice: white grape
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: the city of Denton construction people for waking me up at 8a (I went to bed after 3a) to tell me to move the cars if we wanted to leave at any point during the morning. RAWR!
L is last place you ate at: Taco Bell last night after the EL
M is for married?: AAHHHHH! No.
N is for middle name: Michelle
O is for overnight hospital stay: never
P is people I was with today: Mocha and I are having a laaazzzzyyy day
Q is quote: "We live in a world we ourselves create." Johann Herder
R is biggest regret: choosing to go to "public school" in Germany instead of German school. I'd be fluent! But then again I wouldn't have met Laura
S is sex: it's been too long
T is for time woke up today: 8a :growl foam seethe:
U is underwear you have on right now: pink
V is for vegetable you like: asparagus
W is for worst habit: procrastination
X is x-rays: teeth and MRIs for my knee and head
Y is something yummy you ate today: ummm.. popcorn? My eggs turned out pretty good this morning
Z is zodiac sign: Gemini
 
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Dilemma   
07:23pm 01/12/2008
  Oh the dilemma.

I can go see Chris next week, for a week, but it's going to cost me about $450 since I can't fly D3 into Durango. My dad is willing to pay half (?!) BUT he was also willing to pay half for a new computer.

ARGH! I REALLY need a computer but I would also like to see the boy.

Rawr. I could afford the ticket on my own but I'd have to put it on my card and then hope I have enough cash to last me through the holidays. The whole needing to buy Christmas presents is a necessity as well. Inevitably I go overboard on presents and end up spending about $500.

AHHH!!! I'm leaning to the computer and then just paying off the credit card bill. Maybe. Probably.
 
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10:15am 29/11/2008
 


kelly tait's Dewey Decimal Section:

592 Invertebrates

kelly tait = 152250190 = 152+250+190 = 592


Class:
500 Science


Contains:
Math, astronomy, prehistoric life, plants and animals.



What it says about you:
You are fascinated by the world around you, and see it as a puzzle worth exploring. You try to understand how things work and how you can make them better. You might be a nerd.

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com

 
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I fulfilled one of my life long dreams last night...   
01:59pm 16/11/2008
 
mood: amused
Holy crap balls!

Sooo... last night I totally made out with and had a massive dance/grind/sex through clothes session with the front man for Stomp



WHAT?!!? Let me review. Went to see Stomp with Martha. Loved it. Went to Saucer after to grab a drink and let the crowd in the parking garage filter out. Saucer had a live band so we stuck around. Two of the performers walk in, with fan girls. After a bit, see them tabbing out so I decide to go and congratulate on a lovely show, blah blah blah. Front man is very lovely and British and tells me thanks and oh by the way, we're going to City Streets you should come. Martha and I choose to after we finish our beers and tab out. Head to City Streets. SUPER NICE staff except for the coat checker who was a total douche. Check out all the bars down there (I love basement bars). Run into pretty and very tall British boy. Buy he and Martha a drink. We go back to the Hip-Hop room and proceed to dance (I don't dance unless it's with sexy British boys). End up moving to the upper deck area so as to get out of the way. More grindage (I've always wanted to say that) and then some massive making out.

For reals.

For serious.

I laughed the entire ride home and I'm still laughing and WTFing.

Gah I love life.

And because I'm too lazy to upload a photo to my photobucket account- A link to his pic He has shorter hair now. Wears it in a mohawk for the show.

LIFE IS HAPPY

ETA: We've been texted all afternoon and he said he was going to(/might) call me after the show. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
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03:28pm 15/11/2008
  Dear Bobby Flay,

LEARN TO PRONOUNCE SPANISH WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want to claim to do Southwestern style, learn to fucking pronounce the words correctly.

It's a "chee-pawt-le" not "chee-pot-lee"

Also. It's a "cheela keeleez" not "chee-lee-kil-es"

For reals dude. That's the reason I hate you so much. Well, one of many. But a prominent one.
 
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Mrs. Rita ~ Gin Blossoms   
01:48pm 08/11/2008
  1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

Meme!! Follow for RandomnessCollapse )
 
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07:01pm 04/11/2008
  Teddy Grahams have freakin' HFCS in them?!?!?

Gah.

And yes, the commercials promoting the use of high fructose corn syrup REALLY piss me off.
 
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06:41pm 04/11/2008
  Oh hell.

My muscle relaxer just kicked in. And now I'm sleepy. Damn you Rosales! The way you talk isn't helping keeping me awake.

I didn't want to tap into my candy stash so early but I might have to
 
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To Do   
06:09pm 04/11/2008
 
mood: frazzled
Obs Method:
Self-Observation due ASAP (finals)
Proposal Observation due ASAP (finals)
SAFMEDS due finals week
Behv Defs- PPT due finals week
Celeration Charts
Longitudinal Data- due dead week
PLA-Check

Intro:
Cyber Rat
Discussions
Quiz

Parenting:
PROJECT!
Book Discussion


Shoot me in the face.
 
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Happy Moments   
07:00pm 23/10/2008
 
mood: hungry
1. When a gay couple tells you that they love you and they want to hang out more often

2. When your roommate's boyfriend/fuck buddy/whatever writes on your facebook wall that they "loves you"



I love me some gay men :grin:
 
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06:14pm 13/10/2008
  Here's a random thought spurred from watching the videos from last week's Intro class. It was a "behind-the-scenes" at an autism clinic run by Matthew Israel; they use contingent shock on SIB (self-injurious behavior). It's rather effective and used when the SIB is dangerous to the person or others.

On the show, they met with one of the success stories: a man who had autism and severe SIB. After being on the shock program for a period of time (along with other behavior modification plans) he is now high functioning. He carried on good conversation with the lady who was doing the story and holds a job in the clinic's lunchroom. He also lives in a group home on the grounds.

The question that keeps plauging me (and anyone else who has every dealt with SIB, aggression, or stereotypy)- what was he thinking during those bouts of SIB? Really! If he can hold a conversation should he not be able to enlighten the community as to what was going on in his mind when those behaviors were being emitted? Behavior analysts can only determine so much from experimental conditions but I'm fascinated to know what the person is really thinking or if out-of-whack neurons are just firing.

Thoughts?
 
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